In the old days we used paper. But that is so last century. These days it’s all about fancy polymers. Spit Balls branded spit balls are tiny polymer beads that will grow up to 200X in your mouth and become extra sticky.

If you, like us, have been waiting for spit ball tech to explode, then you know how ecstatic we are that this day has arrived. 200X their original size. And super sticky-icky. See that Editors list on the left there? They will be targeted. No one will be spared.

A few years ago we covered the Marshmallow Blaster. Now the Elite Marshmallow Blaster is here. I’m not sure if they are trying to say that this is an actual improvement on the original or not, but they added the word Elite, so it must be better right?

The Executive Elite Marshmallow Blaster delivers a soft blow to your enemies. It’s a pump-action single shot weapon that fires standard marshmallows up to 40 feet and arrives in a briefcase.

We’ve seen a Ninja weapon in USB drive form, so why not an Uzi. Of course the drive is in the clip. Where else are you going to load and reload data from?

This bad boy comes from The Get Busy Committee, a rap group who stuck their upcoming album “Uzi Does It” on uzi-shaped flash drives. Pretty clever marketing. I’ve never heard of them and it has me talking about them. This kind of music marketing gives a new spin to the term “Number one with a bullet”.

A Kunai is an ancient weapon used by ninjas, so modern Ninjas will surely want their USB flash drive in the form of a Kunai. But times have changed. This version won’t kill, it just holds your precious Ninja data and ancient secrets.

The drive comes with 2GB of storage space and will cost you about $125, which seems just a bit excessive considering the capacity. Maybe Ninjas get a special discount, but I doubt it.

If you have a love of all things grenade, then check out this Grenade USB drive. It measures in at 60mm x 30mm x 30mm and weighs just 15grams. What it lacks in explosives, it makes up for with 4GB of storage space.

The Grenade USB drive is available in black, white, blue and orange and they look totally fake. Of course that doesn’t mean you can safely put them in your luggage and take them to the airport. They frown on all fake weapons.

If you’re a fan of God Of War, you won’t have to consult the God of Decorating to find something swell for your mantle. The blade is cast from zinc aluminum and sits on a handsome wooden stand so you can display your geekiness proudly.

Just FYI though, this is why you don’t get many friends over. It’s also why those few friends who come over are male. I’m just saying. But if you have to have it, this fake blade will cost you $124.

If you gals are looking for that ultimate accessory that’s fashionable and will keep you safe, look no further. The PeaceKeeper handbag will cost you $85. It will cost any attackers a broken jaw. It’s essentially a large pair of brass knuckles attached to a purse.

So when the creep appears in the alley, telling you to give him your purse, he’ll get it alright. If he manages to get away, just check the local hospital as this is sure to do some damage.

Meet the Apache. A triple threat weapon from a more civilized? age. What you get is a gun/brass knuckles/knife combo that will keep you safe on the streets circa 1870 - 1900. It’s absolutely brilliant and functions in a three step process when you encounter hooligans.

Step one. Shoot. If you miss and your attacker rushes you then move on to step two which is to hit him with the brass knuckles. Should one blow fail to stop your attacker and you find yourself wrestling about ala kirk from Star Trek, then it’s time for step three. Knife that sucker. Done. Thank god you had the Apache.

PSE will be releasing their TAC-15 crossbow next month. So hunting is about to get super serious. Zombies planning a night of terror need not even bother, since this baby will save the day. It mounts directly on a AR-15 rifle so you can swap between both weapons easily.

We aren’t sure why you would need a crossbow when you are already holding an AR-15, but hell, you can never have enough killing power. Maybe it’s for when you run out of ammo and desperately need to get that headshot.

It hurts just looking at this thing. If you actually have to face the Paintball Turret System on the paintball battlefield, you are in for a world of hurt. It outguns anything else you’ve got and I don’t think you’ll be able to get close enough to take the shooter out. Unless you’re crazy enough to run straight up to it and that’s not a good idea since it can shoot 34 balls a second. That is gonna hurt.

This paintball turret system can be configured as a wired or wireless platform and it’s even portable for quick backpack style deployments and can be controlled with heads up displays up to a half mile away. It’s a devious project. Only one who seeks paintball domination the world over would come up with such an invention.

The Gerber Kick Axe is not what you use to open Gerber baby food. It’s a more portable, foldable way of having an axe on you at all times, for things like: Chopping wood, terrorizing a camp while wearing a hockey mask, disposing of bodys, and more chopping wood.

A typical horror movie scene with the old school un-foldable axe goes something like this: Killer approaches victim(slowly) with a very obvious axe in one hand. Victim runs. Crappy music and a crappy chase follow, until he hacks he/her/they up. With the new and improved axe, that same scene goes like this: Killer approaches victim(slowly), with no obvious weapon in hand. He certainly doesn’t have an axe, because axes are long and obvious. Victim does not run. Killer smiles. Hey. Hi. What’s up? Killer unfolds his axe and get’s his victim. You see what happened there? This gadget/weapon has completely done away with the chase scene with the bad music and by doing so has cut every bad horror movie down to just 30 minutes. Awesome.

Some guy who couldn’t decide whether he wanted to be Obi-Wan Kenobi or Bruce Lee, finally opted for both and created these awesome Lightsaber Nunchucks. Sadly this bit of geek weaponry didn’t find us in time for Christmas, but you can make a pair have them all ready to go for next year.

At least your victim will be mesmerized by their glowing awesomeness before being knocked unconscious. Instead of seeing stars, they’ll hear rave music. You can check out a “how to” guide online and make your own.

Some crazy modders at ManaPotions have taken the relatively tame Vulcan EBF-25 and given it some backbone that is sure to make the nerds at Nerf nervous, transforming the relatively harmless foam dart gun into an honest to god chaingun.

After the hack, the weapon can fire about 500 rounds-per-minute. If you want one, the entire hack can be had in detail by clicking through. Be warned, the creators say that you’ll most likely fry the motor and melt a few components after you use it for a while. Awesome video below.

So, it’s time to upgrade from the Umbuster Umbrella as it’s only appropriate for breaking jaws in the rain. But what could deliver more destruction in a more compact package? Well, the Blast Knuckles will deliver a promised stun power of 950,000 volts. That’s enough to shock a cartoon soul right out of anybody and watch it play the harp all the way up to heaven.

If you use these, I would advise running like hell and changing your name as you will probably be charged with murder soon. Seriously, this is insane. Only use this in self defense and don’t zap yourself. Appropriately, the blast knuckles aren’t legal in all fifty states in the US, though you could probably still buy it for $50.

These days it’s hard for Ninja’s. First there’s extra security everywhere. Second, there are so many weapon choices available. How do you decide? Do you go with Wolverine claws? Or bust someone’s face with an umbrella? There’s always Dark Knight throwing knives.

Here’s another more practical option for the modern ninja. It’s a blowgun that doubles as a 3.5-inch knife. You can get yours, along with a “go straight to jail” card, for just $20. It pays for itself after your first kill.