So you wanna swim like Michael Phelps, but your pool isn’t exactly Olympic size. That’s where the Home Swimmer comes in handy. It’s like a treadmill for the pool. It will keep you in place so you can feel like your pool has no boundaries, which will give you a great workout and let you practice for the gold at the same time.

Looks like it’s pretty simple to use. Just attach any flabby person to the tether, suspend a Big Mac two feet in front of him and the fun begins. It’s only $89.99. I suppose you could just, you know, swim around on your own, but I guess some people need to be tethered to get fit.

For those who want to train their fish to do all kinds of un-fish-like stuff, check out this R2 Fish School Training Kit that’s got nothing to do with R2-D2. I’m guessing it’s for those who want to enter there fish in the fish Olympics. It was created by noted fish-training expert, Dr. Dean Pomerleau and the R2 Solutions team.

The kit employs basic marine mammal training techniques. Basically if you promise them food, they’ll do all kinds of tricks. Who knew? It’s like the whole What Would You Do For A Klondike Bar?, but with fish. Your little pets will learn how to limbo, slalom, fetch, play basketball, jump through hoops, and more. If the fish Olympics don’t exist yet, they will soon and I’ll be right there betting on guppies playing Basketball. At least until various steroids scandals hit. $39.95 gets you into the shady world of fish training.

Products that are designed to help you learn how to use the toilet are funny. Mostly because you should know how to use the toilet by now. Potty Monkey is awesome. This 15-inch tall stuffed monkey comes complete with a pair of diapers, a pair of underwear and his toilet. An electronic timer is buried somewhere in his rectum body and can be set at intervals of 30 or 90 minutes. When the clock runs out, the monkey will tell you he needs to go potty. When you place him on the toilet he won’t shut up about it. He’ll tell you how much better he feels, and will even sing a version of ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’, except his version is all about dukey and yule-logs. Don’t think you can just ignore him like a bad parent either.

If you do, he will just plead more. “I really need to go potty! Let’s go potty!!” Ignore him again, and he says, “Hey, take me to the potty now or I’ll have an accident!” After that, “Oh no! I had an accident! Please take me to the potty next time.” No…I will not take you to the potty. You are not my son. You are a bad monkey who somehow ended up in my home and feels free to crap himself at the drop of a hat.