We’ve seen our share of useless gadgets, no question about it. They don’t get more useless then the USB volcano. I mean, they could have done something cool with this. How about a little diorama with some ancient civilization dropping a virgin or two into the thing? What about making it a real lava spewer(Okay, nothing harmful that will melt flesh) that’s also a bank, where you have to feed it coins so it doesn’t go all Krakatoa all over your desk? Or what about having a tiny remote control robot in the case with the volcano that you can send in and get readings like a real science kind of deal?

But no. No, sadly this craptastic gadget is just a volcano with plastic lava beads that erupt out of the water-filled desktop toy. And you even have to provide the water. $18 if you are actually impressed.

This device looks like a Wiimote and an iPod collided at seaworld. It’s a toy that’s similar to the Tamogotchi toys, but in this case it features a fish in an aquarium that is displayed on the screen. Your mission should you choose to accept it, is to take care of it so that it survives. Your fish grows, but so does the world around it, giving you some interesting game options.

You can play using a dolphin or an angelfish and it even has three mini games you can play with your digital pet. If you love virtual fish, this device is good for all ages and may even teach kids how to care for a fish, though I doubt it. Keeping a real fish swimming takes more then button pushing.

Looking for a cheap USB thrill for your desk that will provide hours of fun and distract you from your work? You might want to check out this USB Ferris Wheel that’s powered by your typing. I don’t know about hours of fun. That kinda depends on your IQ level.

Surely it will provide minutes of fun, with it’s flashing lights, carnival music, spinning wheel and plastic bunny, bear and elephant careening down the slide. Surely this is exactly the useless crap you’ve been searching for. As long as you keep typing the show will go on. How much would you pay for all this fun? 10? 20? It can be yours for just $30. Hit the link for a video of the Ferris Wheel in action.

The ‘Brick does not endorse this girlly brick thing. It’s basically a Lego photo frame from Brando, for little girls or those with girlly cubicles. You don’t attach other bricks to it. Instead you attach little flowery accessories like a clock, hair brush, cell phone, and hair dryer for some reason. Looks like it comes in white and purple.

You’ll want to hide this in the same spot you hide your Hannah Montana stuff, so your co-workers don’t make fun and call you a sissy girlly man. But if you’re going to buy this for your little girl, it will cost you $16, even though the whole thing is pretty lame. I’m sure she has Legos already and can make this herself.

Tired of creating masterpieces on your etch-a-sketch? Maybe you’ve thought about moving up to Lite-Brite art, but it wasn’t quite doing it for you. Well my friends, this is Lite-Brite on steroids, mixed with some ectstacy. It’s Bandai’s Luminodot. Essentially an updated Lite-Brite with over twice the resolution (resolution being pegs) of the original. Just like th original, you get several design templates with the kit. There’s even an online template generator that will render your very own designs to PDF.

The kit also gives you 1,600 pegs in twelve colors, which will fill about half the Luminodot’s 70 x 50, 3,500 peg display. Don’t worry, you can order more if your kid and your pets eat them. It has the typical LED backlighting you would expect, but interestingly it also features twenty-five preprogrammed animated sequences. Wait for it…. Currently it’s only available in Japan. Yeah I know. I hate typing that as much as you hate reading it. Check out a video below.

For those who enjoy thumb-wrestling, but feel that their pudgy digits lack the animation needed for true wrestling drama, you might want to hone your button mashing skills, because Arm Wrestle Mania will take your finger game to the next level. That level being somewhere above redneck and below barstool drunk, but still. This game may be the only way you ever beat someone at arm wrestling, so it’s well worth it.

Commence button mashing and the arm moves. Whoever taps the button quickest wins bragging rights and will have to defend their title with this $25 toy. Who will you be? Backwards hat trucker guy or clean cut 50’s hair dude?

The time is now for a LEGO backpack my fellow geeks. What with back to school and all. Obviously it’s awesome because it looks like a LEGO brick, but just think, it not only will carry your schoolbooks, but you can also fill it up with LEGOS so you can easily transport all your bricks and build something cool wherever you go.

I know what you’re thinking. Won’t I look uncool? Won’t I get beat up if I wear that? You just might and that’s not my problem. But I figure if you’ve got nerd nads enough to buy this thing, you probably have no problem wearing it whatever the consequences. Each of the little “brick nipples”(Hey, what do you call them?) is an individual zippered storage compartment, so it’s got plenty of storage.

Pump this Rocket Iron Man until it reaches maximum power, then hit the launch button, it will soar up to 40 feet. At 40 feet, the glide ejects and flies back to Earth, while Rocket Iron Man falls back to Earth like, well like an Iron Man. That makes this toy kinda pointless, but hey you can shoot Iron Man up in the air and that alone makes it worth $35. Just pretend Tony Stark had a few too many drinks as he plummets head first into the dirt.

You know how it is, you can’t always get to the strip clubs as often as you’d like. So you wish and wish, and yet somehow a pole dancer has never appeared in your workspace to shake her stuff at you. Until now.

Just plug this baby into your USB port and watch her twirl as you type faster and faster. She’s awesome because she’ll shake her money maker and never ask for a single dollar bill in her G-String. Lonely nerds everywhere will be abusing their keyboards and buying replacements in no time. It’s almost too much fun for $29.25. The only way it gets better is if she stopped to windex the pole so another girl could begin.

Yeah I know. I thought I had seen everything that Transformers could transform to and from as well. As usual all I needed to do was wait and sure enough, the next weird thing comes along.

Transformer fans will love these. Are they really wearable? Well these are toys, but if your feet are small enough, you can step into the very sole of Optimus Toejam here and share in the foul smelling adventure to get the All-spark and save the world from the Decepti-clogs. They come in blue or yellow for $27 a pair.

These things are just plain creepy and wrong, but if you’re looking for a toy that resembles a mutated alien baby these are for you. They’re called Genpets and they were created by the demented mind of Adam Brandejs.

They’re the “Only Bioengineered Buddy. Available in 7 different personality types”. Each personality type is linked to it’s respective color, and that color is represented on each package. Continuing with the creepy and wrong factor, each package has a built in heart monitor that is fully functional, with green LED lights and a built in speaker. I guess that way you’ll know if your Genpet has a bad ticker. Each package also has a “fresh gauge” consisting of four blue LED lights displaying the status of the Genpet’s freshness. Check out the video below to be creeped out by the horrible sounds that they make.

I guess it isn’t easy being a Japanese geek. Not that it’s easy being an American geek, but the Japanese have so much more cool stuff to tempt them out of their savings. That’s why Takara Tomy has made a new kind of piggy bank. One with an RPG game built into it. It’s called Bank Quest.

Not very original, but appropriate. You can buy weapons and armor for your character from the savings you place inside the bank. Where have I seen this before. Oh right, it was called an arcade, where you put your money in played. Except you get to keep the money with this bank. Improve the graphics and gameplay, you might just have a bunch of gamers saving their money for once.

Today, Sega Toys announced their plans to start selling a new humanoid robot in Japan, named E.M.A., on September 26th. E.M.A. stands for “Eternal, Maiden, Actualization” Translated that means, “Hi nerd. Here’s your new companion.”

The robot is of the female persuasion and stands at 38 cm tall. According to Sega, the E.M.A. is special because of her “glamorous body” and because she’s highly interactive. (Translation:Only a nerd could love that body and she kinda puts out.) She’ll sing and dance, hand out your business cards, even walk “like a lady”. I wasn’t kidding when I said she puts out. She won’t go all the way, though I’m sure some of you will force the issue, but she will kiss you if your head comes into close contact with her. That’s when the love mode switches on.

Upgrading the bow and arrow aint no walk in the park. The thing is perfected already. It’s lethal, efficient, fairly portable too. It’s been around for awhile. Somehow, the folks over at Thinkgeek have managed to make the weapon even cooler. Messier too. The Bow and Mallow shooter at long last combines archery with marshmallows. Check out the video below to see it in action.

Man, if I were still a kid, I could think of about a hundred different ways to get in trouble with this thing. I would think it would be perfect for Mischief night. While others are soaping up windows and TP’ing houses, you and a few friends could do stuff like, I don’t know, completely cover cars in marshmallows and the like. Loads of fun.

Check out this awesome USB drive. It’s from jasonscreations over at etsy. He makes all kinds of cool stuff, including USB drives from old toys. He’s got several different cars and trucks available, all very cool.

If you’re looking for an unusual USB drive, this is it. Or maybe you just love muscle cars. I don’t know about you, but this is the kind of drive I’ve been looking for. Everything is tested to ensure proper operation and it comes with a 6 foot usb extension cable. This one will cost you $25.