Or as we like to call these glowing rolls: Light wipes. We told you about glow in the dark tp back in August, but since the blogosphere seems to think this is a new thing, and since you may not have seen this before, we thought we would revisit this amazing development in luminescent wiping technology.

It’s great if you are wiping your crack in the dark, sure. But during a power outage it can actually help you find your toilet. Surely it’s safe to wipe with something that glows like radiation.

Surely with this technological breakthrough, humanity has finally reached the pinnacle of a new and great scientific age. For years man has struggled with wiping his butt in darkness. But no more. Glow In The Dark Toilet Paper has arrived. Surely it is reverse engineered alien technology.

No longer will power outages stop you from doing your business. You’ll see that glowing roll of tp shining like a beacon. Other ways this will improve humanity: People with tp attached to their shoe get ten times funnier, and tp’ing someones house is now more spectacular at night.

This is one luxury that they forgot to add to the Souped-up John. It’s the perfect way to get the latest news, since most news is crappy news. It’s courtesy of Yi Tien Electronics, an innovator who saw the need for bathroom reading material and decided to fill it. They made a computer/printer/toilet fax that prints RSS headlines directly onto toilet paper. The device even calculates the user’s weight when they sit on the toilet seat, so it can taylor the news specifically to you. (I’m guessing a bunch of Wii Fit news)