This is one luxury that they forgot to add to the Souped-up John. It’s the perfect way to get the latest news, since most news is crappy news. It’s courtesy of Yi Tien Electronics, an innovator who saw the need for bathroom reading material and decided to fill it. They made a computer/printer/toilet fax that prints RSS headlines directly onto toilet paper. The device even calculates the user’s weight when they sit on the toilet seat, so it can taylor the news specifically to you. (I’m guessing a bunch of Wii Fit news)