Homer understands you. He also has the desire to drink heavily. And like you, he prefers beer, so that when confronted with a bottle of wine, he has no idea how to open it. Well, now the two of you can team up and open bottles together.
The Homer Simpson corkscrew looks just like homer. His arms will hold the bottle snug while you twist his bald head to insert the corkscrew. After that it’s just lift the bottle and drink. Glasses are for suckers. Like Flanders.