First of all, this thing looks like it needs a Hello Kitty face on it. It’s basically a pink and white torpedo for women to lay on top of and get touched inappropriately by it’s robot innards. Since it’s a robot, it won’t have to worry about sexual harassment. It’s got wheels too, so once you get your wife good and relaxed, you can just wheel her wherever the hell you want and go play the Wii.

It’s ridiculously expensive at $13,500, but what the hell, it’s got a huge pink visor and a touchscreen. It also “automatically adapts its speed and pressure to the body part it’s massaging,” and since you are laying out all that dough, they give you a built-in audio system too. If you ask me it looks like a futuristic hospital bed that’s only going to fit women on the very thin end of the scale. I guess the moral of the story is to quit eating three square meals at Mickey D’s for a month and only then will you be privileged enough to get a robot massage.

If you need to unwind, the RelaxStyle Room Palette Effect lamp might be just your thing. It will transport you to a peaceful undersea world at the push of a button. The lamp projects light onto your walls or ceiling that looks like waves. This gives users the feeling of being submerged in water, looking up into the sunlight.

It has a timer that will automatically shut the light show down after 120 minutes. You will know you use this too much when your mind is altered enough for you to start singing about living in a yellow submarine. Or about how you would love to live in an Octopus’ gaden in the shade.