It hurts just looking at this thing. If you actually have to face the Paintball Turret System on the paintball battlefield, you are in for a world of hurt. It outguns anything else you’ve got and I don’t think you’ll be able to get close enough to take the shooter out. Unless you’re crazy enough to run straight up to it and that’s not a good idea since it can shoot 34 balls a second. That is gonna hurt.

This paintball turret system can be configured as a wired or wireless platform and it’s even portable for quick backpack style deployments and can be controlled with heads up displays up to a half mile away. It’s a devious project. Only one who seeks paintball domination the world over would come up with such an invention.

So, it’s time to upgrade from the Umbuster Umbrella as it’s only appropriate for breaking jaws in the rain. But what could deliver more destruction in a more compact package? Well, the Blast Knuckles will deliver a promised stun power of 950,000 volts. That’s enough to shock a cartoon soul right out of anybody and watch it play the harp all the way up to heaven.

If you use these, I would advise running like hell and changing your name as you will probably be charged with murder soon. Seriously, this is insane. Only use this in self defense and don’t zap yourself. Appropriately, the blast knuckles aren’t legal in all fifty states in the US, though you could probably still buy it for $50.