Listen, if you actually need this, there is no hope for you at all. You are basically an overweight baby who can’t figure out how to control your food and stop spilling all over yourself. Chances are you have food stains on your clothes, all over your car’s interior and so much ranch dressing on your dash board that you can barely read the odometer. Frankly I’m surprised you don’t have a carbonite frozen Bounty on your wall at home.

Anyhow, the BeltzBib helps you “place your food in the pouch of BeltzBib and continue your journey without worrying about stains and spills.” If you have that much of a problem, you are eating too much. It will cost you $13.95.