My what an ugly perfume bottle you have on your desk. Bad enough that it’s so ugly, it’s not even a real perfume bottle. Under the lid is a USB plug. Beneath the bottle are ports for SDHC, micro SDHC, microSD/T-flash, Sony M2, Memory Stick and MS Duo.

After you are done using this hideous device, you can just sit it back on your desk so that all of your co-workers can see what horrible taste you have in gadgets.

The Keyboard Keys USB Card Reader looks like…Keyboard keys. You might say it’s the key to the whole design concept. That’s what’s key here. The Keyboard Keys USB Card Reader is compatible with USB 2.0 and supports SDHC, SD, micro SDHC, microSD, Sony M2, Memory Stick, and MS duo cards.

The device is shaped like the Enter and Ctrl key. It’s also compatible with Windows and Mac OS and comes in white and blue. These will cost you $12 each.

As far as USB gadgets go, nothing beats a little peeing man. I mean it’s a little man that pees. Your other gadgets don’t pee. It’s probably supposed to be used as a fountain or something, but really it’s completely useless. Thanko simply knows that if they build it, you will buy it…if it pees.

The joke is on you when this mini peeing dude gets water all over your computer and electrocutes you, making you pee your pants. You won’t know if its art imitating life or life imitating art and you won’t care. You’ll just be one shivering electrocuted mess curled up into a fetal position with the smell of burnt ozone around you as that little man continues to just pee away…

Lighters are so bulky. They don’t match your cigarettes at all. At least they didn’t. Now they do. At least this one does. It’s a refillable butane lighter in the shape of a cigarette. Wow people at parties as you light a cigarette with a cigarette.

The obvious advantage here is that this lighter will fit easily into your pack of cigarettes. It’s only $1.50, so you could buy several and impress all of your friends. Assuming they are easily impressed by such things.

Are you tired of your serious looking and boring mouse? Want something a bit different that will make you hungry and strain your wrist at the same time? Try this wireless mouse. It looks like a bar of chocolate with a bite taken out.

It can be yours for £21.99 ($36) and requires two AAA batteries to operate. It will compliment your chocolate iPhone case and your chocolate DS case very nicely. If you have all three, you may have an addiction to fake chocolate wrapped gadgets.

Bad teeth and Monty Python aside, nothing says British like a red phone box. The phone itself is fully functional and comes with a 65K color TFT screen, a camera, SMS, MMS and GPRS/WAP 2.0. Sure, those specs aren’t great, but it’s a red British phone box. What did you expect?

We really would have preferred a blue version. At least that way, it would be very Doctor Who. They really missed out on that idea. It could have all of the geeky sounds and everything. Oh well. You will get some early 00’s polyphonic style ringtones. 20 to be exact. Stuff like God Save the Queen and other British tunes.

The Off the Course Golf Club Umbrella is a $65 combo umbrella with golf club handle and iron head. Up until now Golfers had to rely only their golf club to attract lightning and be burnt to a crisp. But now with this new technology, they have the added umbrella to act as a lightning rod.

You think you’re cool, playing golf and keeping dry between swings, and it’s all good. Until you hear the first hint of thunder approaching. You can pack up and leave, or you can play like a real man and defy mother nature twice over. It’s made of steel, fiberglass, polyester, and rubber. Though I don’t think the rubber will help much.

They have a silly disclaimer that “This product is an umbrella and should not be used …

Well, what can you say about a product like this one? I had no idea that there was a market for such a pair of ear buds. Had I done my market research, I’m sure that I would have learned that there are hundreds of people who have wanted nothing more out of life than to put a weiner dog in their ear.

This bizarre pair of headphones has the weiner dog in two sections, so it looks like there’s a long weiner dog going through your ears, ready to lift it’s leg on your earlobe.

The official mouse of the financial crisis. With just one click of this mouse you can get a nifty bailout, assign million dollar raises to your cronies and book a flight to some far away land where you can’t be questioned. It’s like magic, this mouse.

This isn’t just tasteless bling, it’s wireless bling. The gold bullion wireless mouse. The warehouse where these are stored may look like Fort Knox, but if you melt this stuff down all you get is a lump of burnt plastic. Not that anyone at this warehouse has a job anymore. So there’s no one there to see this pile of mice in all their bullion glory. Sad.

Look, I know you older guys and doctors are crazy about your golf, but damn. That’s no excuse to go peeing in a golf club or to have a giant inflatable golf simulator in your backyard.

You want to hit a little white ball again and again in between rides in your little beat up golf cart that’s your business. I don’t get it myself. But since you own all of the other novelty golf products, take a gander at this. The Golf Club Head Mouse is the mouse you’ve been looking for. Grip the head of the driver to control your cursor and pretend it’s hitting a little ball each time.

Most of us are happy with the typical doorbell. But there are others who are looking for something a bit more dramatic. The Nuclear Doorbell should do the trick. No old school ding-dong ring here. Instead, at the push of its wireless button it will produce sounds that could wake up the dead, as it blinks its lights while loudly announcing visitors.

Experience such sounds as a droning klaxon and a voice acted script to let you know that somebody’s at the door. Check out the video below before you decide on your purchase. We have a feeling you might change your mind.

This electronic change counting bank makes sure that you always have money for beer. Because in these tough times, beer money too often goes toward other frivolous things like a “mortgage”, or a “college fund”. Make sure that doesn’t happen to your beer money by making daily deposits.

It will count and tally up your total savings, but sadly doesn’t translate that into number of beers saved. It also won’t convert the change into cash, so you’ll be known as “that guy who always pays in pennies”.

Hamsters are like people. Most are lazy and just sit around eating. Some enjoy the simple pleasures of a wheel, so they can stay trim. Then there are those select few who dare to dream and have “the right stuff”.

To paraphrase Kennedy, “We choose to put a hamster in a rocket before this decade is out, not because it is easy, but because it is hard.” So, make your hamster a national hero by buying him this Hamster Rocket Ship Funhouse so it thinks that it’s part of NASA. Just leave him in there for a while and change the scenery in front of the widow. He’ll never know. Then when he comes back to Earth, you can give him a parade in one of these.

The Soda Cup phone is a bit more stealthy then the average hamburger phone. The cord is the only thing that gives it away as a phone. If they had made a cordless model, it would fool everybody.

Just answer this phone in front of somebody and they will feel like they are on drugs. Dude that’s a phone? At $14, you can’t afford not to buy this smiley freckle faced fake cup with weird generic Soda name.

I personally don’t find a sport like Golf fun. This radio controlled Golf ball might make things a little more bearable and fun. It’s the ProActive Sports Radio Controlled Incred-A-Ball. A radio controlled golf ball that has a radio activated gyroscope inside.

Turn it on and the ball goes crazy, moving around. Watch the reactions of various stuffy old dudes as you trick them. They can try all they want to take their swing, but the ball is going to move on them. It gets recharged via a dock and only costs $19.