For those looking to be stylish while always having some extra memory around their wrist, Brando has released its new USB thumb drive with decorative crystals.

The pros: No one is going to want to steal this tacky crapped up wrist-hugger with jeweled glass bits, so your data should be safe. Cheap crap should be in again this season. The cons: You’ve got a crappy piece of jewelry and already have plenty of flash drives lying around. For $33 you could do much better and probably get 3 rows of crap “Jewels” instead of 2. It’s available in silver or gold colors and the drive supports USB 2.0, Microsoft Windows XP/Vista, MAC OS and Linux OS.

I guess necklaces just got a bulky and zippy upgrade. Normally they are shiny and sparkly and made from expensive stuff. The Zipper necklace is just what it sounds like, a necklace made entirely out of zippers. Tons of zippers. But if one is wearing a Zipper necklace, is your fly always open or closed? I’m assuming the price isn’t too far out there since zippers can be found on practically every crotch and coat in the world. All I know is that if my wife was wearing this and asked me to zip her up, I’d be really confused.

When you care enough to give the very least, you should consider the 2 carat mug. It comes in an oversized jewelry box, so when you present it as a gift, all she’ll see is the ring.

Then she will say, “You cheap bastard!”. Once she digs in the box she will find it attached to the mug and she will say again, “You really are a cheap bastard!” And she’d be right. This white porcelain lameness, with clear Swarovski crystal only cost you $17.99. You will be sleeping on the couch for quite awhile.