For those who want navigate while pawing a woman’s body, this is for you. If you already have a female in your life chances are you’ll get smacked and live on the couch for a week. If you are alone and buying this, good luck finding a real woman. These mice have no heads or limbs so you can concentrate all your pervy attention on the naughty bits.

Right and left click the boobs to your hearts content. It comes in two varieties: lingerie torso and cropped World Cup t-shirt torso. Both wear lacy painted underwear and have actual different names that go with their nationality. They’ll cost you $45, which is nothing to you since you aren’t spending it on a real woman.

Today, Sega Toys announced their plans to start selling a new humanoid robot in Japan, named E.M.A., on September 26th. E.M.A. stands for “Eternal, Maiden, Actualization” Translated that means, “Hi nerd. Here’s your new companion.”

The robot is of the female persuasion and stands at 38 cm tall. According to Sega, the E.M.A. is special because of her “glamorous body” and because she’s highly interactive. (Translation:Only a nerd could love that body and she kinda puts out.) She’ll sing and dance, hand out your business cards, even walk “like a lady”. I wasn’t kidding when I said she puts out. She won’t go all the way, though I’m sure some of you will force the issue, but she will kiss you if your head comes into close contact with her. That’s when the love mode switches on.

Apparently cell phone kissing is a hot activity in Japan. I had no idea. The kiss phone makes it easier to kiss your loved one from a distance via mobile. This isn’t just video and making loud smoochie sounds either, the kiss phone from PROinvention can detect the intensity of the kiss. It senses not only the pressure you use, but also the heat of your lips and how hard you press or suck. (I’d say you suck pretty hard if you buy this phone)

Warning: Creepy territory ahead. Your partner, who also obviously has a Kiss Phone, just presses their lips against the fake plastic mouth of the phone…and they will feel the partner’s simulated mouth on theirs. Yes, it has now come to sticking your mouth on plastic objects. If you like, you can also leave kisses on the answering machine, and replay them over and over, until your lips hurt.