When you were a kid, your mother would tell you to slow down when you were eating too fast. Thankfully, as an adult you no longer have to put up with that. Let me introduce you to your mother, the plate. A plate that will nag you and tell you to slow down.

It’s called a Mandometer and it weighs the food on your plate, and times you, even verbally reprimanding you when you eat too quickly. A study claims that the Mandometer reduced the Body Mass Index (BMI) of test subjects by 2.1% over 18 months.

On one hand, you can be saved from certain death in a disaster situation, on the other, a robot must swallow you in order to get you to safety. So do I lay there bleeding or let a robot eat me? Decisions. I think I’ll lay there for awhile, because I don’t know if it has teeth or not.

If you are going to convince people to be rescued by robots, maybe your video should not be titled “Human body shredding machine in Japan”. You know? Drag me, lift me up and throw me, even grab me by the scruff of the neck and carry me to safety, but I ain’t gettin’ in your belly.

Designed for buffets and dinner parties, these Finger forks allow you to eat as if you had a fistful of mini Wolverines at your fingertips. Whatever you eat will be shredded beyond recognition (Much like Logan’s current movie).

Just slip the finger fork, (or forks) on like a ring and commence stabbing. I recommend inserting a chewed cigar butt between your thumb and index finger for a more authentic Wolverine feel. Sideburns are totally up to you.

I’m sure you have all gotten nice and slim using the Wii Fit, which is good, because much like a Thanksgiving turkey in September, Nintendo now has a plan to fatten you up. Probably so you’ll be more inclined to buy Wii Fit 2 and work it all off again. Beginning this spring, Nintendo will intro the Food Delivery Channel in Japan, just like how TiVo users can order Pizza Hut.

Wii users will be able to place orders from Demae-can.com where they can buy sushi, hamburgers and all kinds of stuff fit for a dinner in front of the Wii. It goes further then just food ordering though. You order the food and then if you like, your Wii will set the mood music. It can even pick a meal and have it sent to you randomly.