You just don’t see the ole cannon as much these days, what with our machine guns and killer robot drones, but if you have a special place in your heart for the cannon, then check this out. It’s a wood USB speaker. In the shape of a cannon.

The Wooden Cannon USB Speaker plugs into your computer via the USB port and has a 3.5mm headphone jack, which allows it to work with other MP3 players. The speakers will deliver 2.5W + 2.5W output. So how much is a wooden cannon USB speaker? Only $22.

This cannon-shaped USB hub features three ports that trigger an artillery sound effect when a device is plugged in. Pretty cool, but don’t think you are going to win any USB wars with this one. It only supports USB 1.1.

Neat as it is, despite being USB 1.1, it needs to actually fire something and not just look like an old cannon. What would be cool is if it actually held a small USB drive that it could jettison out when you are done with it. If the kids are still saying FAIL this week, I suggest you say it to the Artillery USB Hub. It’s certainly not full of win.

In water warfare, he who has the most serious weaponry will rule. And this water cannon is serious. Unlike a water gun, you don’t even have to be anywhere near your enemy. That’s because this water cannon can hit a target from 100 feet away and works by being attached to a garden hose.

It even has a remote that works from up to 30′ away. The cannon features three different interchangeable nozzles. One for stream, mist or spray. Mist would be good for watering the lawn or cooling off on a hot day.

If I’ve learned anything in this life, it’s that rich people have spoiled and bratty children. There’s no better way to keep rich demon spawn occupied and eliminate parental interaction, then to buy them something completely ridiculous and let them have at it.

Like this huge ass Pirate ship parked in the room of your choosing, for instance. It’s actually a fancy huge bed. Some features include a play aft deck with working helm, forward deck with sail, walking plank, four cannons, wooden anchor, working brass portholes, wake up brass bell, captain’s quarters in twin or double full, and first mate’s quarters. Prices range from $6650 to $8050