The Last Call iPhone app tells you how drunk you are, because you are probably way too far gone to judge for yourself. It determines this using your weight and how many drinks you’ve had already. It also calculates your drunkenness by what type of alcoholic beverages you’ve consumed, and it will even offer advice on what to do next now that you’re three sheets to the wind.

If you’re too blitzed to drive, you can press a button and it will call a taxi for you. Best of all, it’s free, which means more booze money. Now all you need is an app that shows how much of your liver is still healthy and calculates how much more drinking you can do until your final days.

Stylish and perfect for any July 4th celebration. Walk into any BBQ wearing this baby and they know you’re all about getting plastered. After a few burgers and hot dogs of course.

It’s like you’re saying that there’s really no reason to hide your love of spirits any longer. And those around you will know that they’ll be cleaning up your vomit later. No need to risk your pants falling down when you go for a drink either since the whiskey bottle is removable. No doubt there will be other reasons your pants will fall to your ankles. It’s available for $19.50. Make the most of it, they won’t be inviting you again.

I’m not much of a drinker myself, but I can understand serious drinkers needing to get to their stash quickly and without delay in order to calm those shakes. Well you got it, my always intoxicated friend.

This thing here is like having a faucet full of happy water. In fact, it will dispense up to five different liquids just by touching of a button. Like I said, it’s for those who are serious drinkers with a price tag of $499. Really though, I don’t want to see you hittin’ the sauce in the AM using your kid’s juice glasses OK?