It’s beginning to look a lot like a redneck Christmas…I mean how much do you have to drink during a typical day, to say to yourself, “I need that there hat!”. If you see nothing odd about this bottle opener hat, then chances are pretty good that you attend Nascar races while simultaneously courting your sister. In case it’s not obvious, the Guinness Bottle Opener Baseball Cap has a metal hook on the brim to tear off caps, and it’s officially licensed by the beer company and all.

The cap sells for $25, which isn’t too bad if you absolutely must have it. But you’re probably thinking that your teeth have done the job thus far, and they can probably open another couple hundred beers. Cuz that $25 should really go toward brew.

The problem with having your beer tap and your TV seperate is that sooner or later you’re going to have to get up off your ass and get a beer. That means missing like 2 seconds of TV time. Something important might happen during that time. With this awesme innovation, you won’t ever have to miss anything again while getting a beer. It’s the v-POD beer dispenser with LCD screen from the house of MicroMatic.

They are offered in stainless steel and brass double column style Tower with 6 and 4 faucets respectively. The dispensers come with a built-in 10-inch LCD screen, remotely mounted DiGi viewer and stereo speakers. What else do you need? The brass finished v-POD “T” Tower beer dispenser will cost you $3,380. The stainless steel version sells for $3,050.

Some of us wear Beer goggles all of the time and just aren’t that choosy. To these people everyone is attractive. Until the next morning. Others wear Beer goggles only after they’ve had way too many beers. Same result in the morning. Why? Because your Beer goggles wear off.

You shouldn’t be more discriminating, you just need to never ever take your Beer goggles off. That way you won’t be disappointed. That’s where UrbanSpectacles.com comes in. They will manufacture prescription Beer goggles. Every girl will look great, plus you’ll be fashionable. All you need to do is send them your empty beer containers and they will use them as housing for prescription lenses, in the desired tint.

Scotsman Beverage Systems recently showed off “Trufill” at the Brau Beviale exhibition in Nuremberg. The Trufill concept is fairly unique and able to serve 10 pints of beer in just 10 seconds. That’s without spilling a single drop. The coolest part is that the dispenser fills the cups from the bottom. It adds ice from the top, but fills the cups from the bottom.

It’s a great concept that would surely make the owner more money at say, stadiums for instance. Think about it, a beer per second, no spillage. That equals less waste and more beers sold in a shorter time. There aren’t many details, but it’s quite an innovation in the beverage world.

The Last Call iPhone app tells you how drunk you are, because you are probably way too far gone to judge for yourself. It determines this using your weight and how many drinks you’ve had already. It also calculates your drunkenness by what type of alcoholic beverages you’ve consumed, and it will even offer advice on what to do next now that you’re three sheets to the wind.

If you’re too blitzed to drive, you can press a button and it will call a taxi for you. Best of all, it’s free, which means more booze money. Now all you need is an app that shows how much of your liver is still healthy and calculates how much more drinking you can do until your final days.

In keeping with the spirit of the season, here’s something to help you get drunk that also doubles as a creepy prop. It’s a Skull Beer Funnel with spinal column attached. If you’re the Predator, just pass on this one and go rip your own from some human. Humans, it’s illegal to do what the Predator does, so don’t do it. Buy this instead.

It’s Halloween, which means that it’s perfectly acceptable to guzzle some brew from human remains for God’s sake. When you get too drunk on the way home, it doubles as a handy vomit-catcher. It’s all cool. It’s how Grim Reapers party.

You know, I don’t know what this says about us as a society, but for some reason this gadget truly exists. What we have here is an authentic beer-filled USB flash drive that even features 3D “optional customizable floating objects” inside. With this liquid storage device you can celebrate your love of beer by always having some with you.

And if things ever get too dry and you find yourself in need of a hit, I’m sure you could break it and get just enough booze to wet your beak. Though I wouldn’t recommend it, you don’t wanna choke on those “optional customizable floating objects”. Storage size ranges from 128 MB to 8GB. You might also want to be careful that you don’t crack it and feed your laptop beer.

You’re rocking out on your guitar,(Your real guitar, not some pansy plastic video game job) and you’ve built up quite a thirst. Reaching for this Heineken won’t help. So reach for another and gulp it down. Finish with one long thirst-quenched sigh and get back to rocking. Rocking secure in the knowledge that this 20W Heineken Draught Keg Guitar Amplifier gives your sound the same kick to the liver that the alcohol does.

It sports a sleek design and a sound quality that will get you buzzed. Works great for Guitar, Bass, and MP3 players and plugs into a standard wall outlet. Complete with such modern innovations as a power switch and volume control.

If Donkey Kong were created today instead of hundreds of years ago, this is what Donkey Kong would throw at Mario. Since it’s a speaker, the Donkey Kong theme music could play right from the barrel as Mario jumps over it. But never mind the weird connections that my brain associates with certain gadgets.

This beer barrel thing is a portable speaker for your phone or laptop. For some reason. Very portable and a great accessory to bring with you when you travel, since it will fit in your suitcase easily. You can get it for $14.00 from Brando. If any Princess-napping apes are reading this, buy these and throw them at Mario. Because I’d really like to see that.

It aint easy defending Gotham. And if super heroes existed in the real world, it would lead to some serious drinking. I mean these guys you’re doing battle with are demented. At the end of the night you just want a brew or four. This thing will hold a six-pack.

So after you park the batmobile and tuck Robin in, swap one utility belt for another and just forget your troubles. Alfred will wipe the drool from your chin and put you to bed after you pass out.

What’s better then the new iPhone? Two things actually: An iPhone from the future and a nice cold beer. Now you can combine your love of brew with your iPhone love thanks to this neat app that uses the iPhone’s tilt sensor to simulate you drinking it down as you raise it to your lips.

Just don’t lick your lips and slam it down on the table like a mug. You paid a lot for that thing. iBeer can be found at iTunes for $2.99. They also have iMilk for some reason. Check out a video below.

Alright, so this is only cool to those who are easily amused and you know who you are. If this was your new phone, then you’d have to call your friends and tell them, “Dude I’m calling from a Bud bottle.” And of course hilarity would ensue. The best part is if you ever have a brawl in your living room, you can hit somebody on the head with your phone and hopefully it won’t leave you holding only shards and the neck of the bottle. Dial the number, then knock that other drunk bastard out just as his mom answers and you tell her to pick his sorry ass up. Yeah this phone is made for drunken fun, frat parties, and of course it’s perfect white trash decor.

The Bierstick is the way to go if you want to out-chug all of your friends. That, or baste a large turkey. It’s pretty simple to operate. Just fill it with 2 cans of your favorite brew, insert in mouth, and ram the other end against a wall. Now that’s $20 well spent.

They say that if you do it right, you’ll have chugged both beers in 2 seconds. Sounds kinda dangerous to me. Oh well, it will all come back up again in no time. I wonder which is faster, chugging with the Bierstick or puking it back up?

In our attempt to never ever have flat soda again, humanity has come up with another way to keep your drink carbonated. The Snap Capp is a little less classy then the resealable can. It’s more like the mullet of the beverage world, all business on top where it’s keeping your drink fresh, with a party on the bottom.

It’s cheap, and it keeps your drink fresh with a lid. What more can you want out of life? Fits standard 12 or 16 ounce cans and comes in several colors. A pack of 3 with cost you $10.

Chances are if you have this Star Trek Enterprise bottle opener lying around your home, you probably don’t have many female friends coming over for sleepovers. I believe this particular Enterprise with the oval hole in the saucer section is inspired from that episode where Shatner’s ego blew a hole in the command deck. The same episode where Bones said, “Damnit Jim, I’m a doctor not a Tribble vet aboard a floating bottle opener.”

Obviously, if you’re a Trekkie that likes beer you’ll want to spend the $24 to open your beer with this tiny starship, get drunk, then have a toy to play with.