It’s about time. I can’t tell you how many times I have wished that I could grab a bar of gold from an ATM machine. But now Florida and Las Vegas residents will be able to do just that, as they are getting hundreds of these ATMs installed next year.

They will spit out smaller bars, not Fort Know sized bars. We’re talking 1 and 5 gram sizes; 10 gram and 28 gram (1 ounce) bars, and international coins from countries like South Africa, Australia and Canada, with the gold price being checked six times an hour.

If you’re worried about greedy relatives stealing your money, the Shocker ATM Bank should cure the problem. When you put money in it, it will yell “Eeeeee!” for some reason. I guess it’s happy for you and your financial situation. The bank will also know the difference between all coins between 1 and 500 Yen, and will display the total amount saved so you don’t have to count it yourself.

Comes with a security card and an individual pin number. It will cost you $30, but it will cost your family several nasty shocks before they learn to keep their mitts off. It also has alarm clock and calculator functions. Hands off my yen mofo!