Going out of town and leaving Fido behind? Why not leave the Pet Care Robot behind so that your pet can live in terror the entire time? The Pet Care Robot is a concept thank god. It’s a Wi-Fi controlled robot that can let you peek in on your pet and make sure everything is fine, using a web interface.

The interesting part is that this robot allows you to play fetch long distance, using a remote controlled ball that you can steer around the house, even while talking to your pet through a built-in speaker.

Meet Cyber Fox. You get to decapitate him every time you use your flash drive and shove his lifeless body into your laptop. It will serve as a good warning to all of those other cute and furry critters out there. Great for the dude with the anger problem. Might be therapeutic to use this thing whenever you get mad.

It would be pretty funny to see some guy get all agro and give a grunt as he rips this fox’s head off, flings it across the room and jams the body in the USB port. Just repeat, whenever you get mad. Sadly this fox doesn’t even look like the Firefox fox, or it might be cool.

This is just what you need for Christmas. A cat USB hub. It will charge up your gadgets with precious kitty spinal fluid. And if you don’t want to perform a USB spinal tap, there’s another port in it’s mouth.

It will spend it’s 9 lives on your desk with it’s head down in shame as you shamelessly suck it’s meow meow power. You can get it wholesale. Your real cat will not be amused.

We’ve all been there. You need to pet your chicken even though your chicken is miles away. How do you do it? Maybe it’s sick of being fondled and that’s probably why the chicken crossed the road in the first place. It got sick of your harassment. Thankfully a group from the National University of Singapore’s Mixed Reality Lab have developed a way to pet your chicken through the internet. No chicken will be safe!

The idea was inspired by acts of pets and animal abuse through lack of welfare. This system enables humans to provide care for pets even though they are physically not together. The system enables a human to remotely touch her pet which is kept at home while she is away (in her office), and at the same time monitor the movement of the pet. This is realized by using a doll, which resembles the real pet located remotely, sitting on a mechanical positioning table. The pet owner interacts with the real pet by touching the doll.

Could we really not come up with a better way to violate these animals via USB? Apparently not, and I have no better suggestions to offer as far as the placement of their uh, receptacle. Poor guys get no respect at all. Just living out USB life day after horrible day, like a having perpetual proctology exam as time slides toward infinity.

You can thank Japanese company Marubeni InfoTech. This is their line of wooden USB drives. Each features a 1GB storage capacity and you get five animals to choose from: dog, pig, elephant, hippopotamus and a swan, available in maple or walnut. They’ll cost you $73. Is there an organization for the ethical treatment of wood animals?