How many times have you been walking your dog and said to yourself, I wish I had a companion that would share the walk with me. If you then entertained the notion that failing an actual human, a dismembered hand would do just fine, then this is for you. And it will identify you easily so the rest of us can stay the hell away.

It’s the Hand-Shaped Dog Leash designed by Alice Wang. So that you can sway your hand and pretend that you have a special someone as you walk your dog.(Who must be intelligent enough to be scared of you and your corpse hand.)

Do you really need a dog translator? I can do the translating for you right now. Dogs are simple creatures, who only say a few things with their barks. Stuff like, “Holy crap, are you gonna take me for a walk or am I gonna poop in your shoe again?” or “Hey. Guy who kidnapped me as a puppy, do you plan on feeding me that garbage you call food anytime soon?”

But if you don’t want to take my word for it, then check out this gadget. TakaraTomy may have developed the world’s first dog translator. Just “place the bark-sensor collar around your pup’s neck, then grab the wireless controller and the Bowlingual Voice will speak on your dog’s behalf.”

When you think about, dogs must really think we are chumps. And we are. We gladly pick up the poo, bag it and carry it all the way home. How did they get us to do that? The how is not important. What’s important is that it ends now.

Let your dog carry it’s own poop with the Port-a-poo Hands Free Waste Carrier. “Port a poo Takes Your Dogs Poop Out of Your Hands”. The Port-a-poo attaches to almost any leash and after you pick up your dog’s waste in a bag, just clip it on.

If you can’t bear the thought of leaving your dog home alone, or just like to spy on your pooch, this device is for you. In addition to feeding your own doggy voyeurism, you’ll also be able to feed him remotely thanks to the Remote Pet Feeding Viewing Camera Kit.

As long as you’re connected to an Internet line and have remote access to your home computer, you will be able to watch Fido’s every move and make sure he is well fed with this autofeeder, which features a dishwasher-safe bowl, 24-hour programmable timer and a non-chewable cord.

Just look at that poor pathetic pooch. He’s in a “washing-machine”. A dog washing-machine. Yes it’s the Dog-O-Matic, a mini car-wash for dogs. It will rid your beast of flees with ease, so you can rest asured that Fido’s hair won’t make you sneeze.

Yes my friends, the Dog-O-Matic will clean the entire range of your pooch’s mange. Just take a gander at the lack of dander. Only takes one terrifying(For your dog) half an hour. It’s from Romain Jarry, who insists that the device is not cruel. He plans to introduce it to U.K. next year, and the dogs are worried.

Note to Japan. Trying to make dog poop fun by making this dog poop composter look like a robotic dog just ain’t cutting it. Poop is gross. Dog poop is gross. You can’t make it fun. You just can’t. Please stop trying to make poop fun.

I mean you put the poop in the dog’s mouth. I know some troubled dogs eat their own, but still. It’s called Sum, a robotic trash can designed by Tohoku Kankyo. Just open the dog’s mouth, insert poop and old food, and it’ll break it down and make it not stinky. It can take about 600 grams of poop or food per day. Does the broken down poop and food then come out of robo-dog’s butt?

Dogs are man’s best friend. But sometimes they do bad things. Pee on the rug, chew up your favorite shoes, maybe eat your sock. When that happens, you need to put them in their place and make them look like idiots. It’s the only way they learn.

These chew toys should do the trick. They will make your mutt look ridiculous and comical. The lips are great, but I’d love to see the one with a chicken leg in this guys mouth. Looks like they might only be available in Japan. They know how to humiliate dogs over there.

You know who you are. You people with your little dogs that have big stomachs dragging on the floor. Whether it’s from too many treats or a serious lack of exercise, the Jog A Dog doggie treadmill will shape your pooch up in no time.

It comes in 4 different versions, for toy dogs all the way up to your giant beasts. The treadmill will do between 1 and 10 mph, are very quiet and supposedly maintenance free. Well, you’ll have to clean up the puke. Your little guy is so out of shape, it probably thinks this is astronaut training. The treadmill also features an easy grip surface and the running surface can be removed and cleaned.

What a confusing world this has become for the modern day Superman. It used to be he could change into his Superhero outfit in any old phone booth. But in many areas phone booths are to be found less and less. That explains why you never see Superman right? So, along comes this here Phone Booth Aquarium, adding insult to injury, as Aquaman now has a place where he can make a quick change.

Okay, it’s not Aquaman’s. It’s from artists Benoit Deseille and Benedetto Bufalino, who decided to do something special for the Lyon Light Festival in France. That’s right, they turned an unused phone booth into an aquarium. It makes for an interesting tourist attraction.

Hamsters are like people. Most are lazy and just sit around eating. Some enjoy the simple pleasures of a wheel, so they can stay trim. Then there are those select few who dare to dream and have “the right stuff”.

To paraphrase Kennedy, “We choose to put a hamster in a rocket before this decade is out, not because it is easy, but because it is hard.” So, make your hamster a national hero by buying him this Hamster Rocket Ship Funhouse so it thinks that it’s part of NASA. Just leave him in there for a while and change the scenery in front of the widow. He’ll never know. Then when he comes back to Earth, you can give him a parade in one of these.

Having a dog can be awesome. You are like a God to man’s best friend. Animals are even said to help keep you stress free. But they are pretty high maintenance, with the feeding and the walking. It can really cut into your gaming time.

Thankfully, this dog treadmill will help. No longer will you need to pause your game and go take Fido for a walk. He can do it his own damn self, while you continue fragging zombies. The Canine Treadmill comes in three sizes for three sizes of dog, and is priced at $550, $700 and $900, respectively.

The Float-a-Pet collar is a good idea. For one thing it keeps your pet safe, for another it’s fun to see pet heads floating down Main Street during a flood. Win/win. It’s an inflating floating emergency collar with a flashing light so you can locate your pet even in the dark.

Sure, dogs can swim, but that doesn’t mean they don’t get tired, just like us. It may not be such a great idea that the flashing light is powered by solar. Probably not the best way to power something that is made for emergency nighttime situations. But with this thing, at least your pet has a chance to become one of many floating heads in a flood situation.

You might remember when we told you about the Critter Cruiser awhile back. The hamster hot rod that you park your critter in so you can give him a ride, because it’s nice to get out of the cage once in a while. Well, now it comes with the Hamtrack, so your little gerbil friend can go round and round like a furry Nascar driver who’s not afraid to poop in his car, getting exercise the whole time.

The car works both with and without the track. The car is about $36, while the car and track set will cost you about $63. Maybe you can get some sponsors for your rat races and put little stickers on the car. I’m pretty sure we here at the ‘Brick would like a piece of that action.

Those who live in Japan never know when the next big earthquake is going to hit. So the order of the day is to be prepared. Be prepared for the earthquake and if you have pets, be prepared to be a sucker and get them a cat or dog survival suit. It comes with a few essentials and a few items strictly thrown in to get your sucker money.

The items? Water & Biscuits which of course are required for your pet’s survival. Aromatherapy oils…so your pet can be safe from the smell of death in a disaster? Four rubber shoes for their delicate feet…Presumably so Fido won’t hurt his little feet on the rubble everywhere. They even throw in some sealed bags…for some reason. And of course, the flame retardant carrying case with storage pockets.

As far as I can tell, the Pet Chime is designed for those who never want a moment of peace ever again. Dogs just can’t reach the doorbell, or maybe they just can’t grasp the concept of a button that opens the door, being attached to the door.

Apparently, the Pet Chime can be used inside or outside, so that your pets can inform their owners when they would like to be inside or out. As every pet owner knows, that would be every five minutes…for the rest of your life. The “paw” doorbell component operates on a 9-Volt battery, the ringer operates on three AA batteries. It will only cost you $25-$30 USD to never again be able to relax.