River has updated their already bizarre Mickey Mouse MP3 players with something new. This version has hypnotizing eyes and may need a good exorcism. Glowing LED demon eyes no doubt make it easier to take over the world. It also has 2GB of storage for your soul, even MP3 or WMA files. If your kid’s head turns all the way around and he/she can’t stop watching Disney movies, don’t complain to us.

Samsung has announced two brand new MP3 players today, the YP-U4 Litmus and the YP-Q1 Diamond. The Diamond hopes that it will be able to win “World’s Best Sound Quality”, and offers DNSe 3.0 over the Litmus’ 2.0. The litmus is inspired by Litmus paper, hence the name. Samsung is claiming a playtime of 16 hours and says that the unit will play MP3, WMA and OGG files, plus FM radio.

The Diamond has an “audio upscale function” that restores missing sound range and the player can supposedly analyze your MP3 file’s mood and genre, adjusting the equalizing effect automatically. The diamond boasts 30 hours of playtime in MP3, WMA, OGG and FLAC format. The litmus can be had in 2GB or 4GB sizes, and is available in rose, purple or blue, whereas the Diamond will be in 4, 8 and 16GB in black, white or silver. No release date yet, but I’m sure they want to get in your hands quickly.

I think we all want an mp3 player that does more the just pump out tunes. In this case, these mp3 players give off various smells. They only feature 256MB of storage, but they make up for that by acting like a human air freshener, with scents like chocolate, rose, lemon, strawberry and some others.

No Pine Tree car freshener smell? I would have thought that was a given. Chances are you, like I, are not going to get one. On the other hand if you walk around with a foul cloud about you like Pigpen from the Peanuts cartoon, this might help clear your personal airspace a bit. And I wouldn’t expect these to mask any flatulence problems by being in your pocket.

So you’re chillin’ with your Clone Trooper laptop, wearing your flannel like George Lucas and waiting in line for that new Ewok action figure that has a big release today. But what you need is some tunes.

This is what you want right here. A Star Wars mp3 player. The front features a close-up of Darth Vader with glowing red eyes, which is cool, but sadly, this MP3 player only features 512MB of memory and a display that looks like it’s 30 years old. It does come with a built-in radio however. It’s currently out of stock at Amazon.co.uk, but ForbiddenPlanet will release a similar product shown above for about $80 US at the end of the month.

When it comes to MP3 design, you’re generally more concerned with things like what features it has, or whether it’s slim enough and has enough memory. With this one you’re concerned that it’s fugly little face might come alive and kill you quickly. This is the CJ7 Dog Doll MP3 Player with Built-in Speakers and yes, it seems like the crack pipe was passed around liberally at the design meeting that day.

It looks like a flower humped a tiny dog and the two mutated together. It has 1GB of internal memory, built in speaker and charges through the USB port, which is in the dog’s butt. The headphone jack is in the front. It’s $18.67 worth of wtf.

You’ll feel like Seinfeld with this PMP that can pin onto your clothes. When a thief rips it off of you, you’ll have no choice but to just grit your teeth and say “Newman”, since you knew that would happen anyway. The Cool Man MP3 player is Newman’s latest PMP.

The idea is that it’s convenient to be able to attach it to yourself. Here’s to hoping said thief doesn’t pull your whole shirt off. I’m not sure a thief would even want this, since he can just snag that other guy’s iPod. It has a basic OLED display, MP3/WMA compatibility and built-in microphone with a plastic looking casing that resembles a face. No price yet but should be available in 1GB.

The REDI is a 1 GB mp3 player no doubt geared toward those who can’t figure out computers or are too lazy to go get the music themselves and put it on their mp3 player. They come with about 250 tracks already on them, which would give you about 6 hours of listening time. (There’s bound to be a ton of what you don’t want, just like buying CDs)

It sports a USB mini jack so you can upload your MP3′s should you actually know how to boot up your PC, or if your grandchild comes over to help. Since we don’t all have the same tastes, the REDI comes in a several different flavors. You can get an Ultimate Workout Mix, Golden Classics, Ultimate Rock N’ Roll Collection, the R&B Soul Collection to name a few. They’ll cost you $39.99 each.

Everyone knows and recognizes the Zippo. Rugged lighters that guarantee to give you a light even in the harshest conditions. So why not use the same material as a Zippo lighter to create an MP3 player? Combine the Zippo’s tough exterior and design with an MP3 player and you have the Zarva Zippo MP320 MP3 player.

Unlike the lighter it has a tiny display used for user interface navigation. It supports audio formats only (MP3 and WMA), so no video playback. Some other features include USB 2.0 connectivity, seven EQ modes, and an integrated microphone. The 1GB model will cost you just $27.

You’ve got your MP3 player in your pocket. It’s comfortable and secure. Problem is it’s not easy to manipulate your controls while keeping it there. Plus, it makes it look like you’re playing pocket pinball and scoring big. Well, if someone takes this magnetic control concept and brings it into the real world, it could make life a tad easier in this situtaion.

The Pocket Pal knob is outside of your clothing, while it’s magnetically fixed to the body, which is inside your pocket. The control is easy, and you would be able to adjust volume or skip songs. The only problem I see is losing the knob. I’m not sure this is a great solution for the real world, but I like how they think.

You might think that this Bat MP3 player is from Wayne Industries, but it’s not. Though it would be pretty cool if Batman’s own company made all of his gear. That would give up his secret however.

I have no idea who makes it, but I do know that even Batman needs tunes while beating the tar out of the Joker. It’s shaped after a 2.75″ black batshuriken, and comes with 1GB of flash memory within and features stereo headphones that look like…bat ears. It will be available this July for $80. The Batman probably could dock this on his chest.

Floral Titis are going to be a hit. I predict that everyone will come to love titis and they will name towns after them, like Titi-ville and Lake Titi-caca. Titis are best in pairs, so buy two. This clip-type MP3 player is in fact, a titi. So the woman above is showing you her titi.

Ok, it’s clear that I never grew up. It will come in nine different colors offered by GDIS for the Floral Titi – strawberry, mocha, carrot, aqua, sweet pink, vanilla, lavender, mint and ice blue. Each unit features 8 hours of playback time and weighs 10 grams. Available in 1GB and 2GB capacities, they retail for approximately $40 and $55, respectively.

While Garfield may be lazy, those who market his likeness are not. That’s because many people seem to have a special place in their heart for the cartoon cat. He’s alot like you and me. He loves to sleep, eat, watch tv and make sly comments, then repeat the whole process.

For $7.99 what’s not to love? Surplus Computers has a 256MB Garfield Mp3 Player that is expandable with a SD card slot and also features built-in mic recording. You’ll also notice the matching orange earbuds. For $13.99 they’ll even throw in the extra 1GB card. No matter what, this MP3 player has to be better then the Garfield movie right?

Here’s an MP3 player from Thanko that can be hand-cranked, so you can enjoy your music no matter where you are, and not have to worry about batteries or the sun for power. They say that a single minute of cranking will get you 10 minutes worth of music. The device is capable of storing up to 1GB worth of audio, and supports MP3 and WMA formats. It even has a built-in flash light for when you are rocking out in the dark. The player retails for about 40 Euros. It’s not heavy on style and it won’t win mp3 player of the year by a long shot, but it gets the job done.

Here at the Brick we’ve reported on our share of MP3 players, but these plastic and unofficial Lego-like bricks are one of the coolest/lamest, depending on your perspective. Of course we’re partial to all things brick. The controls are concealed as the raised bumps, and they sport a six-hour Li-ion battery. However, you do need your own microSD card for storage.

The players come in the same primary colors that you are used to seeing with Lego blocks, and just like the real thing they are made mostly from plastic. You can get one for $46, but don’t expect to build anything. I’m guessing that if you want a cheaper version, you’ll have to hold out for the crappy Duplo version, which you’ll want to hide in order to avoid ridicule.

Funny thing is, these MP3 players for infants actually look like teethers. I have one question. If you aren’t supposed to shake a baby due to it’s delicate brain, how is it good to crank up the tunes and give them their own MP3 player?

The SweetPea3 has 256MB of memory and is made for kids ages 0 to 8 years. They are calling it a “robust” music player that comes in pink or blue rubber. It lasts for about 40 hours on one AA battery. It also comes with music and stories from Susie Tallman and Jim Weiss. I don’t know who the hell that pair is, but now’s your chance to find out what their voices sound like mixed with potent baby saliva.