The Slim Trim razor is for those who are so obsessed about getting an accurate shave that they use all manner of tools like calipers, compasses, sextants, slide rules and write all sorts of facts and figures down in a shaving journal. “September 18th. Today I realized that the calculations on my beard were off by a fraction of an centimeter, thereby throwing my soul patch off it’s game. I believe I veered to far off course to the west, but unlike Columbus I did not discover America. I discovered that Chicks don’t seem to like my facial features either way, hair or no hair. Tonight I will course correct and account for shaving cream density, then I will update my calculations. Yours truly, Metrosexual.”

Seriously, first off you’re only gonna cut yourself twice as much with this thing. And being so concerned about an accurate shave that you need to buy this, is putting way too much time and effort into shaving. A true man knows how to rock a shave that will get the ladies without the aid of gadgets. This thing might be good for getting creative in punk rock sorts of ways, but that’s about it.

Wine connoisseurs will tell you that you have to store wine at the correct temperature. You can’t just throw it in your fridge. Plus you probably shouldn’t drink it straight from the bottle or serve it in a cup that has a cartoon character. You should store it and serve it in style. That’s where Skybar comes in.

It’s a “Wine Preservation and Optimization System”, that houses three chilled chambers to serve three seperate wines. A small LCD displays the temperature and you can even choose from nine preset chilling options. The device also features vacuum technology that helps to preserve wine for 10 days without any change in taste. It will even pour it for you. It will cost you $1,000, so I imagine some of you will stop reading now and go drink from the bottle.

The ‘Brick does not endorse this girlly brick thing. It’s basically a Lego photo frame from Brando, for little girls or those with girlly cubicles. You don’t attach other bricks to it. Instead you attach little flowery accessories like a clock, hair brush, cell phone, and hair dryer for some reason. Looks like it comes in white and purple.

You’ll want to hide this in the same spot you hide your Hannah Montana stuff, so your co-workers don’t make fun and call you a sissy girlly man. But if you’re going to buy this for your little girl, it will cost you $16, even though the whole thing is pretty lame. I’m sure she has Legos already and can make this herself.

So you wanna swim like Michael Phelps, but your pool isn’t exactly Olympic size. That’s where the Home Swimmer comes in handy. It’s like a treadmill for the pool. It will keep you in place so you can feel like your pool has no boundaries, which will give you a great workout and let you practice for the gold at the same time.

Looks like it’s pretty simple to use. Just attach any flabby person to the tether, suspend a Big Mac two feet in front of him and the fun begins. It’s only $89.99. I suppose you could just, you know, swim around on your own, but I guess some people need to be tethered to get fit.

FRED isn’t the hippest name for a UFO shaped humidifier, but hey it’s a UFO in your room, which is always awesome, so call it whatever you like. This UFO runs on steam, not gravity waves, using a 2 gallon water reservoir to boil 1-2 gallons of water per day, making your environment pleasantly humid, moist and tropical. The way “their” home planet is.

See, once they convert your home into a rough approximation of their atmosphere, it makes the whole abduction thing much easier. This way, they can take their time, raid your fridge, flip through your iTunes library and do whatever invasive stuff they do to orifices. But don’t worry, chances are you won’t remember and if you do, you can take some consolation in the fact that FRED is available in 4 different colors for $99.

For those of us who were growing up during the original Star Wars trilogy, those times were magical. More action figures then a kid could collect? Awesome vehicles for them to play around in? Bedsheets so your imagination could soar at night? Disco? Maybe not so much Disco. If you had the bedsheets you were head nerd, let me tell ya.

And while Pottery Barn generally impresses the ladies, they are appealing to 1970’s kids now too with these classically styled sheets. You can get everything you need to deck out your bed. Sheets range in price from $14 to $109. Quilted bedding can cost as much as $219. They come in queen sizes, full and twin. Now go bug your wife. She usually gets her way in the decorating department, no? Time to make a stand and demand these. Be brave. A kick to the nuts can build character.

Look no further for a brilliant fridge concept. The Flatshare Fridge was created by Stefan Buchberger from the University of Applied Arts in Vienna for the annual Electrolux Design Lab competition. The idea is to have a fridge that is perfectly suited for college kids who have roommates.

It’s modular design features separate compartments that allow each ‘flatmate’ to have their own mini fridge. Because nobody likes to share and it’s just good to keep your stuff from colliding with someone else’s stuff. Not everyone has good hygiene, or good taste. No one is getting the short end of the stick with this design either, as each section has a tall area for bottles and a smaller side for other stuff.

The condom dispenser moves the prophylactic party from the drawer to a bedside table top. It’s not for everyone, after all some get luckier then others. In fact, what works for this item also works against it. Sure, it’s great to have a condom dispenser nearby since you get so much sex that you lay in bed all day,(Uh…sure you do.) but chances are that if you actually have a woman in your life, this is wayyy to tacky a decoration to meet with her approval.

But if you have a special kind of gal with vision… One that sees the form and function of the condom dispenser as a great blending of mid-century modern with a blend of trailer park skank, then here are the measurements: 9″ H x 3.5″ W x 4″ D, made of aluminum and plastic, and it can hold up to 24 packs of condoms. Only $28.

When you think about it, it’s kind of weird that toast is such a hugely popular food. I mean it’s basically burnt bread that’s ready to crumble in your hands. What’s weirder are all the new ways we’ve found to enjoy toast. We can even make it in our PC’s and decorate it with a frakken cylon. The Scan Toaster printer concept takes it all a step further, from designer Sung Bae Chang.

Details are a bit thin, but it connects to the internet via USB and can print images or text on bread using a flexible “module” unit heated by a wire. What it means is that you could read the news on the very breakfast that you eat. The Scan Toaster concept was a finalist in the 2008 Electrolux Design Lab competition. Sadly, it may be awhile before it hits the kitchen.

For those who want to train their fish to do all kinds of un-fish-like stuff, check out this R2 Fish School Training Kit that’s got nothing to do with R2-D2. I’m guessing it’s for those who want to enter there fish in the fish Olympics. It was created by noted fish-training expert, Dr. Dean Pomerleau and the R2 Solutions team.

The kit employs basic marine mammal training techniques. Basically if you promise them food, they’ll do all kinds of tricks. Who knew? It’s like the whole What Would You Do For A Klondike Bar?, but with fish. Your little pets will learn how to limbo, slalom, fetch, play basketball, jump through hoops, and more. If the fish Olympics don’t exist yet, they will soon and I’ll be right there betting on guppies playing Basketball. At least until various steroids scandals hit. $39.95 gets you into the shady world of fish training.

Is it just me or would anyone be a little weirded out by these shower companion things? One looks like a pink female body which isn’t too bad, but the next one in line is kinda bowing down like he’s gonna finish you off. The strange blue blob starfish thing makes me want to get out of the shower real quick and so does the Panda. I would just like to shower in peace thank you.

The panels are created by an Italian company called Colacril and they will add a splash of…something to your decor. Maybe fear or paranoia. I don’t see much showertime fun here. The last thing I need while taking a shower is some Panda staring at me as if my man parts are bamboo. I’m old fashioned that way.

I’m still not sure what to make of this, but apparently there is some new miracle heater called the Heat Surge. It’s Chinese technology that you just plug into any standard wall outlet. Supposedly it only uses about as much energy to run, as a standard coffee maker, but will produce 5,119 BTU’s as on-board heat turbine silently forces hot air out into the room so you feel heat instantly. It has a UL listing and everything. Even if all that is true, the odd part is that those anti-tech, iPhone shunning Amish are busy as Christmas elves building mantles for these heaters, trying to keep up with demand so that customers can get their new fake fireplace before Christmas. If you ordered a mantle in the last 48 hours, the heater was thrown in for free. But now it will cost you from $249.00 to $337.00.

This is all centered around the Heat Surge Roll-N-Glow fireplace that actally rolls from room to room. How the Amish got involved in this I have no idea, but I do know that as they slave away on fireplace mantles, barns are going un-built, shunnings and exiles seem few and far between. What’s next? Will they trade in the horse and buggy for a Model T? It all seems like some sci-fi plot, where huge events are foreshadowed by strange behavior. What are they really doing? What happens when we take these heaters into our homes? Could this be the long dreaded Amish invasion that some of us have feared, where they turn the tables and take our technology, leaving us to plow fields and milk cows? Will I punished by our new masters for writing this? Probably not, since they have no internetz. Still I’m growing an old man beard and wearing plain clothes…just in case.

Some of you may prefer making your own foods rather then buying them from store shelves. If you choose to make your own peanut butter, well that’s just Skippy. Good for you. It will be fresher, not loaded with preservatives and other chemicals and you’ll get the respect of peanut enthusiasts like former President Jimmy Carter. Your sandwich of choice, PB&J will taste awesome.

Just pour 2 cups of peanuts and decide whether you want crunchy or smooth. After that, just spread it, eat and let it stick to the roof of your mouth. It will cost $50 starting at the end of the month. Might just be easier to buy it in the store, but at a few bucks a jar this machine will save you money.

This self-contained and waterless toilet is called the EcoJohn Sr Toilet. Quite simply, it burns the crap you normally flush, into white ash. It operates just like a regular toilet, except that water doesn’t take away your waste. Just close the lid and the waste is whisked away like South Park’s Mr. hankey the x mas poo on Christmas eve. It’s final destination is a burn chamber where it is cremated. A small bit of smoke is belched out and filtered through a catalytic converter before hitting the air.

There is some water involved, just minimal. The toilet is equipped with a small reservoir that holds about a quart of water. Press a special rinse button, and it’s easy to keep the bowl and auger clean. It’s the perfect water saving device, though I’m not sure how I would feel about having a chimney on my toilet.

THX has more uses then just making a starship battle sound awesome you know. That’s why THX has partnered with Serious Materials to develop some new sound proof doors. The QuietHome soundproof doors are the 2 1/4-inch thick THX-certified doors that claim to be a full 85% acoustical improvement over any other sound proof doors.

How does it work? QuietHome Doors incorporate Serious’ proprietary viscoelastic polymer-based constrained layer damped system, a multi-layer design and advanced seals throughout the door edge. The doors are made up of stainable wood, and come in a pre-hung door package. You wouldn’t want to just replace your front door with it. Well, maybe you would if you are super loud. Your neighbors would appreciate it. But it’s designed for high-end home theaters, commercial studios, offices and conference rooms etc. The doors will cost you $2,500 and will block out so much sound your neighbors will think the place is vacant.