They won’t get you very far very fast as you walk, stop and dig for treasure, but at least you’ll keep busy. If you are already walking around with a metal detector and a large set of headphones, this should improve your look at least.

These metal detecting sandals will help to keep others away from your treasure too, because they are much more subtle than the typical detector. The right sandal connects to a removable battery pack that’s strapped to your calf and a coil in the sandals does all the work.

Listen, if you actually need this, there is no hope for you at all. You are basically an overweight baby who can’t figure out how to control your food and stop spilling all over yourself. Chances are you have food stains on your clothes, all over your car’s interior and so much ranch dressing on your dash board that you can barely read the odometer. Frankly I’m surprised you don’t have a carbonite frozen Bounty on your wall at home.

Anyhow, the BeltzBib helps you “place your food in the pouch of BeltzBib and continue your journey without worrying about stains and spills.” If you have that much of a problem, you are eating too much. It will cost you $13.95.

Thinkgeek has done the math and it turns out that a baby is 4.65 Terabytes in size and on a T1 it takes about 40 weeks to download. This t-shirt will show the progress to the world.

A great shirt for that geek mother to be this Mother’s day. These are maternity shirts, 100% cotton combed ringspun jersey in black. Available at ThinkGeek for only $22.99 and comes in several sizes.

It’s a common parental problem. Your kid asking for a new pair of shoes every few months, because he has outgrown the old ones. Expensive too. You could take a cue from China and their women, and force your child’s feet to remain small forever by cramming them into a tiny shoe, but that only gets child services involved.

These shoes grow with the growing foot size of your child. Dubbed the INCHworm, they use iFit technology, with accordion-like material on the toe. With the press of a button it can be pulled out to increase the length of the shoe in ½ size increments up to 3 full sizes. Pretty sweet huh? It’s designed tough so all those days at the playground won’t destroy them.

This Exploded Atari 2600 shirt is all kinds of awesome. It illustrates disassembly perfectly for any geek who thinks that the Atari 2600 is somehow full of tons of parts and hard to take apart.

We recommend wearing it while doing such mods as the Atari-Hero, or the Multari. You can’t have too many geek shirts after all. Even when you run out of drawer and closet space. That’s what your floor is for, right? It will only cost you $17.

Late nights at the office just got a lot fluffier thanks to this concept from Polish designer Maja Ganszyniec that turns your collar, tie and sleeve into a pillow and looks very very comfortable. So whether you finish your work and slowly lay your head down or just plain pass out, it’s all good.

You work hard, so why not dress soft? Serta or some other bed manufacturer needs to start churning out clothes like this and completely cover us. I don’t know about you, but I want to live in a world where everyone looks a little more like the Stay-Puft marshmallow man.

Let’s be honest, these serve no practical function. That said, they are completely awesome. We want a pair. Your emails will be unreadable and your ipod un-usable, but they have some benefits. Some dude giving you trouble? Slap him in the face with these steel gauntlets and challenge him to a duel. Since they are steel, he will fall to the floor immediately and no duel will be required.

Rule with an iron fist, but first wear these steel gauntlets. At only $59.99 from Think Geek, you’ll feel like you’ve just leveled up.

Apparently somebody made this one of a kind set of baby slippers at Burning Man 2007, but we want to be able to buy these for real. If that seems wrong to you, then all you need do is have a look at the toddler mop. These are clearly a better way to get your floor clean using babies.

They’re creepy sure. But if you have a house full of rugrats and they see you wearing these babies, they’ll get the message real quick that they need to shape up, or else.

I am pretty lucky that I don’t have to wear a suit and tie to work everyday. But if I did have to, I would wear one of these classic gaming ties. Why not show your love of retro games as you toil the day away?

When you find yourself in a boring meeting you can just think of your tie and imagine those Tetris blocks falling or shoot some Space Invaders. You can get ties that show off 4 different classic titles including Asteroids, Tetris, Space Invaders and Pong. Each Tie is made from microfiber and are available for just $24.95 each.

The Samurai Sword handle Umbrella will not only make you look cool, like you have an actual Samurai sword, but it will also make it so that your mouth doesn’t sync up with your words. You might even consider undertaking a Samurai Quest or two.

Of course, you might also look pretty silly if they see you turn your sword into an umbrella too. $30 is a fair price for putting yourself in a situation where you can potentially get tazered by the police. But hey, you’re a Samurai, you can handle it.

Hey Chipmunk cheeks. Ya, you with the fat face. You’ve tried everything, yet you can’t seem to get your face to shed those pounds huh? Diets don’t work, so it’s time for the Japanese Face Slimmer. It’s basically a mask you wear that hugs your face and they claim it will change your face size somehow.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that this is a bunch of BS. The only thing it will accomplish is to send your friends and loved one running for the hills, wondering where you are hiding the machete. Still, if you really really want to try it, go for it. Just don’t go wearing it while walking around a summer camp. It will only start a new urban myth, where the killer wears a face slimmer mask.

Looks like Lumitop, the illuminated clothing that allows your boobs to light up the night, is making the rounds again in the intertubz. We first told you about it way back in August of last year. We just thought we would remind you that you can in fact still order this clothing since we’ve been out and about and haven’t seen any of you wearing it.

So what are you waiting for? Don’t you want to look like a stripper from the Tron universe? The one pictured will cost you 149.00EUR. I suppose one downside is that people will only be looking at your breasts and they won’t remember your face. Oh well. What did expect? This is cutting edge Sci-Fi fashion.

Some things in life are tough. Like math. Measurements. These handy gloves will save you a ton of calculating, ensuring that you always have the proper figures “on hand”. They feature all sorts of measurements and angles allowing you to make measurements on the go.

They’re for the Bob Villa types who have the will, but lack the brain-power. Remember, measure twice, cut once. That’s the rule that comes in most handy. Sadly the purpose of these gloves are lost when you lose a finger or two in the band saw.

LED-embedded undergarments are bizarre. Maybe even creepy. I mean, look at the pic. It looks like you have an evil other-worldly creature living in your nether regions. Do you really want that thing staring at you? But hey, maybe you like that sort of thing in the bedroom. Who am I to judge?

I guess LED undies are only limited by your perverse imagination. At Enlighted, you can get LED g-strings, panties, even hot pants. If it’s not freakish enough for you, they will make a custom piece for you, with lights and patterns of your choice. Perfect for acting out Sci-Fi fantasies. Just don’t ever talk about it outside of the bedroom. Please.

This one is for Apple fanboys and girls who want to profess their love of the company loudly and with light. These illuminated t-shirts feature the old school rainbow Apple logo and they light up using an electroluminescent display that responds to music and other ambient sounds.

Apple hasn’t used the classic rainbow logo since 1998, so I guess it’s time to bring it back. Probably against Steve Jobs’ wishes. I’m sure that’s why the apple leaf is facing the wrong way. Might be a good idea to get one now before any lawyers get involved. They’ll cost you between $20 and $45. Video below.